


Save Our Gracious Grimshaw

by Dead_Nice



Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band), Queer Eye (Netflix) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Getting Together, M/M, Reality TV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-06 12:08:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15885735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dead_Nice/pseuds/Dead_Nice
Summary: Who better to help Nick Grimshaw find the self-confidence to start a new chapter in his career and find a boyfriend than the Fab Five? Or maybe the answer was right in front of him all this time.----A take on how the last week of the Breakfast Show might have gone with additional Queer Eye filming.





	Save Our Gracious Grimshaw

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I just wanna thank my fantastic beta [kilimiria](http://kilimiria.tumblr.com/) who did this for a complete stranger. All the other notes are the end because long notes are a pain.

Nick sat in his flat anxiously waiting for the doorbell to ring. He was feeling like when his mum had come over to inspect his first flat. His cleaning service had already dusted and mopped everything there was to clean in preparation, but the dogs had thrown a few pillows and other bits in disarray. Making a good impressions on the guests he was expecting was important to him. Now he was left with nothing to do but wait.  


  
  


It had been his publicist's idea to get Nick some attention before he left the Breakfast show, get him in the public eye a little bit more, and possibly to kickstart a career after leaving Radio One. Nick had said yes in a heartbeat because he had been obsessed with the show ever since he first watched it and, after meeting the guys at Big Weekend, he was even more up for it.

  
  


Queer Eye was going to do a season in the UK with Tan taking the lead and showing the other four around. In order to promote it, they were having a celebrity special episode in which they would make over Nick and help him throw a party for the Breakfast Crew and all his friends to mark the end of his time on the show.

  
  


When Nick had left his night time slot, the last show and following party had been very spontaneously thrown together but fun. But this time, he was 34 and he felt like having a bit of a sophisticated get together and a crazy party afterwards in a private space. He did have a lot of celebrity friends and going to a club would be a hassle. A private venue would ensure no one needed to worry about paparazzi. Apart from the cameras for the filming of the show, but they would leave once it got later in the evening.

  
  


While Nick prided himself on his unique style and loved his house and life, he freely admitted that it had gotten a bit lonely as he got older. Despite his friends often coming around and staying with him for a night or more, he wanted a partner. He wasn't as delusional to think that the Fab Five were going to find him a husband in one week, but maybe he would be more motivated to start the next chapter of his life and not actually nitpick everyone he met. Most of the Fab Five were in long term relationships or even married, so maybe gay guys in happy relationships would set more of an example than seeing all the straight marriages around him happening.

  
  


He hadn’t told Harry about it, mostly because Harry was busy negotiating his new album despite being on break in London. They usually hung out when he was around, and they had when Harry's tour had ended, but now he seemed busier than ever.He had however promised to attend the party after the last Breakfast Show. Nick had vaguely mentioned to him that he was filming something for Netflix with a totally hot guy he had a slight crush on, though. Harry didn't keep up with tv shows anyway so it made no sense to mention that Nick was talking about Antoni from Queer Eye.

  
  


Harry was another of Nick’s reasons for doing this, even if Harry had no idea of it. Nick had always thought that there was something between them that might go beyond friendship. While he knew Harry had experimented with guys, he also knew his friend had never really dated one and certainly wasn't in the position to come out with one of his best friends who happened to be 9 years older. At least that was what Nick used to tell himself. But when Harry had told him about Medicine and about creating a safe space for his LGBT fans and waving Pride flags at his shows, Nick had let himself hope for a second.

  
  


There had been moments early on in their friendship when Nick thought he might be the experiment Harry wanted and needed, but then Harry had started spending more time in LA and had met Xander and other people. Nick figured, why ruin a good friendship with feelings ? Yet whenever he was asked to describe his ideal partner thoughts of green eyes and curly brown hair crept into his mind.

  
  


But just because Harry wasn't strictly straight and maybe being more public with it didn't mean he would date Nick. And Nick wanted stability anyway. He'd done his fair share of hookups, but now he wanted what some of his friends had. A family. It was a bit of a wild fantasy. He had never shared any of it with Harry, not wanting to make him uncomfortable.

  
  


It had always been awkward when he was asked about Harry in interviews. If he said nothing, he had something to hide. If he talked as freely as he could, he was using Harry. Of course there were supportive fans, but a large number of those seemed to think he and Harry had been shagging since Harry was 18, which didn't make Nick's wild fantasies about being with Harry go away.

  
  


Then again some fans still thought Harry had something going on with Tomlinson despite the fact that they had not hung out in person for years. So maybe Nick was being just as delusional as they were being when he pictured himself ever having had a shot at being with Harry.

  
  


But now that he was getting life advice from the people best qualified to help a hopeless, gay, ageing radio DJ. He knew that they wouldn’t find him a husband in one week and magically fix all his commitment issues, but at least it would be a positive start and a fun experience.

  
  


On the first day of filming the cast and crew all gathered at Nick's house. They would start filming there without the usual surprise or meeting whoever signed him up since it had all been arranged with Nick's knowledge.

  
  


Nick had already hugged all five of the guys and now they were sprawled out in his living room. They had already done their interviews about what they knew about Nick on the way over in the car, although this time in a typical London taxi cab and not driving themselves.

  
  


“Only good things, I promise” Tan had told Nick when Nick had looked a bit nervous about later hearing their initial thoughts on him. Nick had smiled at him. He liked having a fellow Brit doing this with him and the fact that Tan knew his work and had been excited about meeting him made him even more likeable to Nick.

  
  


“Okay” the director called. “Let's just have a casual chat, Grimmy. You'll discuss whatever you want to fix with the guys. I know we already talked about what each of them would like to focus on but let's see how it goes organically.”

  
  


And the cameras were rolling. Nick was no stranger to being on TV but it felt a bit more intimate in his own home. Thankfully Karamo took the lead.

  
  


“So Nick. What do you think is your goal for this week? We're here and ready to help.”

  
  


“Just wanted five gorgeous gay guys to be forced to hang out with me for a week, really. Especially Antoni.” Nick joked, giving Antoni a wink. Antoni smiled at him. Too bad he was taken.

  
  


Karamo snorted. “But for real man. You said something about starting a new chapter. Tell us about it.”

  
  


Nick took a deep breath. Okay, he was going to be honest, as he had discussed with his publicist. He needed the people to like him, make a good impression for the future if he ever left Radio One.

  
  


“Well I'm halfway to forty now, and I always thought this was the age where I would have settled down already. Maybe even have kids or planning on having them soon. But that's not the way my life went. Now I'm ready to scale the public part of myself back, and with it be more open to meeting someone.”

  
  


Karamo gave him an encouraging nod. “That's great. As a father and husband myself, I want that for you. Of course we can't make it happen overnight, but I think we can help you realise some stuff about yourself that might have been holding you back from finding someone.”

  
  


“Well if anything can cure my commitment phobia, it's your dulcet tones, Karamo” Nick said with a smile.

  
  


“Well four of us are in long-term relationships and three of us are married. So we'll lead by example.” Tan said. “I probably have the least to do this week so feel free to question me about married life and trying to have kids.”

  
  


“Will do.” Nick said. “What about you Jonathan? Think you can fix this mess?” He pointed to his artfully tousled hair. He had actually gotten a blowout at Bleach yesterday just for the show, but who was he to reject a compliment he was admittedly fishing for.

  
  


Jonathan clapped his hands together while bouncing a little on the sofa. “Oh my gosh honey I love your hair! It is so curly and cute! but maybe we can go for just a few spritzes of sea salt spray and a talk about embracing your flowing locks!” He flipped his own long hair over his shoulder in a dramatic fashion.

  
  


Nick nodded at him. “Anything but bleach blonde, pink or shaving it off again. Those were bad times.”

  
  


Jonathan laid a hand over his chest and gave Nick a comical wide eyed look of horror. “Oh Tan showed me pictures. But we were all young babies once upon a time who didn't know how fabulous and cute a bit of styling makes us look, honey.”

  
  


“Me more than others I guess. Or at least it was better documented in my case.”

  
  


“Yass brag about that fame, honey” Jonathan replied snapping his fingers. He was clearly putting on a bit of a persona, but Nick loved it. Being campy had always been a bit frowned upon at many of his jobs and he loved how Jonathan profited from it.

  
  


“Well there's always room for improvement” Nick said. Jonathan nodded. “Be your best self and treat yourself the best.” Nick hummed. Words to live by.

  
  


Then it was Antoni's turn. He sat up a bit and faced Nick with a serious impression. It was ruined by the fact that Stinky Blob had gotten comfortable in his lap. Nick was definitely not jealous of his dog. Nope.

  
  


“So I heard your cooking skills is the one thing you have in common with most of our previous heroes?”

  
  


Nick bowed his head in mock shame. “Guilty as charged. My claim to fame is a filo feta and spinach pie that took me hours and hours. My friends usually cook for me or I eat out. The only time I really cook is when we have barbecues and that's just putting stuff on the grill innit?”

  
  


Karamo whistled. “Fancy.”

  
  


Nick grinned. His friends would call him 'quiche' so it fit.

  
  


“So do I get to do anything for you this week or are you having the party catered?” Antoni asked.

  
  


“Well I can't really make enough food for everyone even if I was good at it, but I thought maybe some mini filo pies? Maybe not all spinach and feta? But something from me even if everyone takes the catered food over mine. And maybe it will help impress future boyfriends on first dates.”

  
  


The filo pie was sort of a running joke now and Nick decided to roll with it. Making it to impress Harry was as much part of his life the past few years as everything else.

  
  


Antoni wagged his finger at Nick. “No one will let those pies go to waste after I teach you how to make them in a reasonable time frame.”

  
  


Nick smiled at Antoni and Antoni smiled back. He had a good smile. It actually made Nick believe him, despite previous disastrous cooking experiences.

  
  


Bobby spoke up. “So I'm just decorating the venue? This will be a breeze for me this week.”

  
  


Bobby, who had told Nick that he knew about all the memes, was playfully alluding to the others sticking him with the hardest part of the show.

  
  


Nick laughed. “Yeah thought I'd give you a break for once. But it does have to look perfect or I'll cry like a bride when it rains on her outdoor wedding day.”

  
  


Bobby smirked. “So no pressure, low stakes. Got it.” The others all laughed.

  
  


Nick winked at him to convey that he was joking, although he was somewhat of a perfectionist and had imagined this party in great detail ever since he had first planned on throwing one. It was the end of an era. He did want it to be perfect, but he was not putting all of that on Bobby’s shoulders.

  
  


Tan clapped his hands together. “Alright everyone. No time like the present. Why don't we drive to the venue and see what we're working with?”

  
  


Everyone agreed even though this schedule had been carefully laid our and discussed previously. This was still a partly scripted reality TV show.

  
  


The cameras were packed in and everyone got up. Tan came over to Nick.

  
  


“I meant to say earlier. Your house is really beautiful. I love all the art. I don't have as much time for decorating since I'm on the road a lot for the show now but my husband and I really love finding new artists. Maybe you can recommend me some, sometime?”

  
  


Nick smiled but felt a pang at the word 'husband'. He would love someone to share his interest in art with. Of course there was Harry who had even gifted him with some of his favourite pieces displayed in the house, but Harry was just being a generous friend. He was always telling Nick about visiting art galleries when he could while on tour and Nick had often found himself wishing he had been there because it all sounded amazing.

  
  


But Nick had chosen a career that kept him in one place most of the year and Harry had a jet set rockstar lifestyle. It just wasn't compatible.

  
  


Nick didn't know why he was thinking about Harry in relationship terms again. They were good friends and that worked long distance. The whole point of this makeover was to take a fresh start and to stop fantasising about unattainable men. He badly needed more realistic expectations.

  
  


“I would love to recommend you some artists.” He told Tan. Tan looked positively giddy. He was really getting a chance to shine on home turf and it made Nick happy. Knowing about Tan's upbringing he found himself rooting for him even though Tan was only a year older than him. He had always loved an underdog story.

  
  


“Great.” Tan beamed. Then he steered Nick towards the door. “The dogs are all fine here by themselves?”

Nick nodded. “Yeah, my friend is coming over in case filming runs late.”

  
  


Tan sighed. “It nearly always does.”

  
  


“I remember. Even if my show was much more short lived than your instant classic.”

  
  


Tan looked at Nick shrewdly. “Karamo will want to work on that self-deprecating habit of yours.”

  
  


“I figured. He's welcome to try. Years of practice here and a childhood spent growing up way too gay and way too fat.”

  
  


“I know all about the first part and I'm not even white.” Tan said making Nick feel slightly bad. He had heard Tan speak about his difficulties and he couldn't imagine not being as close to his family as he was. If his family wouldn't turn up to a potential future wedding he probably wouldn't go through with it. He was lucky to have the support he had.

  
  


“And you're in such great shape.” Tan continued. “I follow you on instagram, I see those morning runs. And I know you want your followers to see” He winked.

  
  


“Yeah it's all my personal trainer I swear.” Nick said. “Who knows, now that my time slot is different, I might completely abandon it and just get fat.”

  
  


Tan shook his head. “I know being a skinny twink is something that is very desirable in the gay community and while I never encourage anyone letting themselves go it's not all about weight. You need to stop focusing on that so much if it hinders your enjoyment of life.”

  
  


“Easy for you to say when you have a sure thing waiting at home,” Nick joked, hoping he wasn't objectifying Tan's husband too much.

  
  


“Well, it’s true, but I practice what I preach and we do plenty for each other to keep up our relationship.”

  
  


“So first step is having a relationship to keep up ... I'm good at friendships, but my relationships tend to fizzle out. I'm always very critical.”

  
  


They had now reached the car waiting for them and got in. They were sharing it with the director and some assistants while the others had already taken the first car. There would be no filming during the ride so Tan and Nick continued their conversation.

  
  


“Not to steal Karamo's job here, but maybe you should date someone you're already friends with. That way you have a solid foundation to the relationship. You seem like someone who needs reassurance, if you don't mind me saying. And a friend is someone that has already been by your side for years already, so he could be an equally good partner.”

  
  


“Sounds good.” Nick said. “Do you want to have a look through my phone and pick someone out? I'd have married my friend George in a heartbeat but he's sadly taken by one of my best friends.”

  
  


Tan laughed. “I'm sure you'd know better who's a good fit if you want to go down that road. Although it was just a suggestion. You could just as well meet the love of your life on Grindr or Tinder.”

  
  


Nick shook his head vehemently. “Not for me. I tried dating apps but all the small talk is dead boring. My friend Fifi even tried to get me to apply for Naked Attraction. Everyone thinks I'm a lost cause. Doomed to die alone surrounded by dogs.”

  
  


“I could so see you on that show, but not liking small talk is an issue. This just brings us back to my suggestion of dating someone you're already friends with.”

  
  


Nick nodded. “I guess I could think about it.”

  
  


Tan looked gleeful. “Tell me all about him, if you ever have someone in mind.”

  
  


Nick's thoughts drifted unwillingly to Harry. When would that boy get out of his head? As a great poet once said: When I'm with you all I get is wild thoughts.

  
  


'And even when I'm not with him he does my head in.' Nick thought wryly.

  
  


Tan gave him an odd look like he could sense Nick was thinking about a specific someone, but he stayed silent and busied himself with looking at his instagram on his phone for the rest of the ride to the venue.

  
  


When they arrived the cameras were already set up and they filmed Nick getting out of the car with Tan, which made Nick feel slightly awkward, like a woman wearing a dress with no panties when paparazzi were trying to photograph under her skirt. He liked the attention, but being the sole focus of the camera just getting out of a car made him feel weirdly self-conscious of his car-exiting technic. An odd thing for sure, but never let it be said that Nick didn't have odd unnecessary worries.

  
  


After Tan had rejoined his fellow Fabs, they made their way through the doors of the venue. It was a pretty pricey place, but Nick was getting some money from filming the show and it wasn't every day that you leave your dream job behind to start anew. It was in a private club that was only ever rented out, all very new and chic. Nick was lucky to have gotten a spot. (He knew someone who knew someone, connections really did pay off).

  
  


In the daylight, the place wasn't quite as glamorous as the photos on the website, which had been taken at night. But it had spectacular lights, a massive bar and, most importantly, a nice DJ booth set up. There was no VIP area since the whole club had to be booked, and you had to be a VIP to afford it.

  
  


There was enough room to dance, but also plenty of comfortable and clean looking couches and armchairs. All the furniture was in a deep purple colour, while the walls were white with a lilac flower pattern. The bar chairs were white with purple upholstery, and the bar itself was decorated with white and lilac Moroccan-style tiles. Behind the bar was a huge shelf with all kinds of alcoholic drinks and two bartenders standing straight like Nick was the Queen inspecting the royal guard.

  
  


Nick loved it. It would look really classy when the lighting above the bar would be turned on and a spotlight would shine onto the DJ booth. The setting would be a bit dimmer in case anyone wanted to get up to anything. There were also plenty of toilets, which was an issue that was often overlooked, when party planning.

  
  


Bobby whistled. “Well this looks pretty furnished already.”

  
  


Nick chuckled. “Yeah I forgot to tell you, you're just testing those bartenders’ skills by ordering outrageous cocktails all week long.”

  
  


Bobby smiled. “Sounds good to me.”

  
  


“I bet it does. Well ... I would actually need you to set up some kind of photo wall here, with pictures of all my friends and guests-turned-friends, but nothing too cheesy. Also a photobooth with props and a buffet set up for those gorgeous tarts me and Antoni are having a go at - and I don’t mean my friends. We'll clear it away to dance once the cameras leave.”

  
  


“I figured it wasn't all play and no work.” Bobby sighed, feigning disappointment.

  
  


“Still less work than your usual?” Nick suggested.

  
  


“You saw the show. This is an easy week.” Bobby said, grinning. “Well, you know what you want. I'm not gonna mess with it but I'll add some personal touches.”

  
  


“Perfect,” Nick grinned.

  
  


“Alright,” the director called. “you invited some friends to be interviewed, right Nick?”

  
  


Nick nodded nervously. Once again he felt like he was getting evaluated, even though he was pretty sure his friends wouldn't be outright mean about him.

  
  


Just as he nodded Aimee arrived in a flurry of neon and passed him Sunday as she went to kiss everyone else's cheek. Ian was trailing behind her, smiling slightly as he saw Aimee already discussing her neon orange hair with Jonathan.

  
  


Nick hefted Sunday on his hip and sat down on the sofa. The club had a private room that would be used for interviews. His friends were going to add their thoughts on what made him such a perfect candidate for getting help and it was all going to be cut together. He wasn't really needed in person but, of course, he was gonna stay since everyone else was working and he was a bit of a perfectionist when it came to his projects.

  
  


Bobby was already taking measurements while part of the crew filmed. The others were setting up the interview room. Nick kept jiggling Sunday, perhaps more due to his own nervousness than her being restless. Aimee came over to sit with him while Ian followed the producer to the back.

  
  


“What's Ian doing being the first to be interviewed?” Nick mumbled nervously to her. “I only ever see him because he's married to you!”

  
  


Aimee stroked first Sunday's head and then Nick's. “I'd like my baby non-stirred and non-shaken please, love. And you're just being nervous. Ian thinks you're lovely.”

  
  


Nick snorted. “I'm sure he likes me fine, but how do I know that he won’t tell stories about my diabolical radio rulership?” He was half-joking, but he would have been more comfortable with Aimee going first.

  
  


“Then I'm sure they'd all be true,” Aimee said, pinching his cheek and throwing her arm around Nick. Nick leaned into her, feeling comforted. “It's me you should be worried about, Grimshaw. I've seen you at rock bottom.”

  
  


Nick sighed. “I should have known I would get no sympathy from you. I guess I did bring it on myself.”

  
  


“That you did. Is Harry not coming? Too famous for reality TV? You know he'd gush about you.”

  
  


Nick shook his head. Sunday was now playing with his fingers and her hand looked completely dwarfed in his. It was adorable. He kept looking down at it while he spoke so Aimee wouldn't be able to read his expression.

  
  


“I didn't ask him to come. I don't want to be seen as using him to promote myself again. And let's be real, that is what this show is about. It's not his thing anyway. I'm not sure he even knows how Netflix works.”

  
  


Aimee hummed and took Sunday from him when she reached out for her. Great, now Nick had alienated the baby. He had always suspected that Aimee knew there was something going on with Harry, and she had often joined in with the teasing when he and Harry had been joined at the hip, but Nick had never explicitly discussed his white picket fence fantasies about Harry with her.

  
  


They were interrupted by the arrival of Pixie, Gillian and Henry. While Nick was greeting them all, he completely forgot to mope or worry about what stories Ian might be sharing.

  
  


After that it was easy to just sit down and talk with his friends while they filmed their segments one by one. They took plenty of selfies and boomerangs, and Nick even got one with Antoni and their matching little blue scarves. He made sure to get extra rug in it by inconspicuously opening a few more buttons on his shirt. This could be a good picture to post on instagram when the show aired.

  
  


Nick couldn't resist sending it to Harry. Whenever one of them wore one of the scarves, they'd send a selfie to each other. A rare occasion for Harold since he only ever used his phone for texting, emails and artsy photos; while Nick took about 40 selfies every day. But the scarves were tradition. Usually the other would start wearing theirs right after the photo exchange. Like a game of scarf tag.

  
  


_Found someone new for the gay scarf club. And he's actually gay._ Nick texted Harry along the with picture.

  
  


They had always joked about tabloids calling the scarves gay fashion. 'It's like Mean Girls.' Nick had said. 'Only I can call my clothing gay.' Harry hadn't gotten the reference, even if Nick was sure he’d seen Mean Girls. Well, Harry didn't spend as much time on the internet as Nick did, so he had just rolled his eyes.

  
  


_Who's that?_ Harry texted.

  
  


Nick frowned. He had told Harry about filming the show. Apparently Harry hadn't done any research.

  
  


_It's the love of my life, Antoni. The one I'm filming with._ Nick texted back jokingly. He knew Antoni was taken and he had no desire to be branded a homewrecker. He was just having a bit of fun.

  
  


Antoni looked curious as Nick grinned down at his iPhone screen.

  
  


“Did you just text that picture to someone?”

  
  


“Yeah, my mate. We always joke about our scarf club. I'm sad to report he doesn't seem to know who you are. I ought to send him those photos you did with the coke and the dog.”

  
  


“You have them saved right? It was my plan all along to end up on your phone,” Antoni said grinning.

  
  


“Of course. Gets me through those lonely nights. Thinking about you and dogs.” Nick made a face. “Not in that way. Those are my children.”

  
  


Antoni laughed. “So should I be offended your mate doesn't know who I am? Is he very famous? I know you call everyone mate and friend and then it turns out to be fucking Kate Moss or whatever.”

  
  


“It's Harry Styles,” Nick said abashedly.

  
  


Antoni gave a sad head shake. “Not my Instagram's demographic I guess.”

  
  


“I, however, was very appreciative,” Nick said, laying a hand on Antoni's arm. He was interrupted by his phone ringing. It was Harry. Harry almost never called him during the day, even when they were in the same time-zone. They'd usually just text and maybe call in the evening or just hang out in person. Nick answered his phone with a swipe of the thumb.

  
  


“Hiya Harold Styles.”

  
  


“Hello Nicholas Grimshaw,” Harry said back. Did he sound slightly less enthusiastic in his greeting or was Nick just imagining that everyone was out to get him today?

  
  


“Why are you calling me then? I'm very busy and important and filming a show.”

  
  


“Is this a bad time? I can call back. Or you can.”

  
  


“I'm just joking. I'm only sat here flirting with Antoni and taking beautiful selfies. I'm not really needed at the moment.”

  
  


“Do you wanna do something later? Get a Fab?” Harry said in a teasing tone, sounding more like himself. It was still very hot in the UK. Nick himself was still wearing jeans shorts.

  
  


“Harry, I'm not having this conversation with you again. Anne already texted and tweeted me about it. I get it. Your whole family loves Fab! You'd marry one if you could!” Nick was laughing by the end of his sentence. He loved having these dumb arguments with Harry and his family. Gemma and Anne were amazing. He loved giving Gemma shit when she's wasn’t listening to Radio One or gossiping about Harry with Anne. Plus she had really saved him at that last concert in London when he had had a bit too much to drink. All Tomo's fault of course.

  
  


“Heeey,” Harry whined. Then he continued, slowly as always. “How about a Thursday curry? I could come over to your place. Bribe Stinky into liking me some more.”

  
  


Nick was still filming the next day, but he didn't have a show on Fridays anymore and he had planned on taking the weekend off. The party would be late the next Thursday so he had a bit of time in between, but he hadn't decided what he and whoever joined him in studio would do. Probably day-drinking. Still, it was a busy schedule between filming and doing the show today. But, against his better judgement, he couldn't say no to seeing Harry so he agreed.

  
  


  
  


After a long day of filming, he found himself back on his couch scrolling through his phone and looking at whoever had commented and looked at his Insta stories of the day. Sue him for wanting attention.

  
  


The doorbell rang. He'd been expecting Harry, but it still startled him. He got up to answer the door and Pig followed him with her tail wagging while Stinky remains slumped on his pillow. Probably asleep.

  
  


“Harold!” Nick exclaimed as he opened the door. Harry immediately pulled him in one of those spider hugs that Nick secretly loves.

  
  


“Nicholas,” Harry solemnly replied before he finally let go of him. Never one to break a hug quickly, was Harry.

  
  


Harry pushed his obnoxious Gucci sunglasses up and Nick took a moment to look at him. Despite having recently seen him, it seemed to him like Harry's hair had continued growing. It was now nearly at his chin. Nick sort of liked it. His own hair usually was either freshly done from Bleach salon or in need of a cut. No good phases in between.

  
  


“Alright,” Nick said, brandishing his favourite Indian take-out menus. “You decide the restaurant, but this time I'm not letting you order for me again.”

  
  


Usually Nick would just order on the app, but he gets the menus with the junk mail and Harry is a very analog person who sometimes writes on a typewriter. Nick doesn't get it, because he wants technology to makes his life easier, but but he isn’t a weirdo popstar.

  
  


“Heeey” Harry whined as he takes the glossy menus. “I already apologised for that. I really thought you'd like it. Try new things, Nick!”

  
  


“You do know you're talking to someone who would rather re-watch Bridesmaids five times than give a new movie a chance right, Harold?”

  
  


“I suppose that's true,” Harry said, already grinning again. Nick couldn't help but smile back. Harry just radiated positivity most days.

  
  


They settled in the living room and Nick pulled his phone out again, waiting for Harry to decide what he was having before ordering. Harry contemplated the menus as if they held the secrets of the universe in that quiet, careful way of his that Nick usually appreciated greatly. But this time, he was starving so he begged Harry to come to a decision.

  
  


Somehow Harry ended up curled around Nick's shoulders, pointing out what he wanted on the app Nick pulled up. Nick could feel the heat of Harry's chest pressed against his back and Harry's arm on his shoulder as he peered down at the phone. Harry seemed clingier than usual, but maybe they'd just been apart too long?

  
  


Nick sometimes thought Harry didn't realise how much he loved being the favourite person of whoever he's spending time with. A narcissist, but a nice and kind one. A paradox perfectly fitting of Harry. And there were worse things than wanting to be liked. Nick could relate to that feeling at least.

  
  


Harry wanted to watch Nick's screening copy of Mamma Mia 2 because he had just recently seen the first one with his mother and sister, but Nick refused. Sure ABBA had released a banger or two in their time, but this craze for musical movies had to stop. What was wrong with watching Bridesmaids or Titanic? All moods sorted. Sad and happy.

  
  


In the end they settled for watching a documentary about birds -of all things- on Netflix. Harry seemed transfixed, but he kept leaning into Nick until they ended up half cuddled up on the couch with Nick's arm over Harry's chest and Harry lying down with his legs curled up to fit in.

  
  


“Sleepy?” Nick asked.

  
  


“Mhh no,” Harry replied. “I want to hear all about filming and these new friends you made. Shouldn't I have been consulted before we added a member to the gay scarf club?”

  
  


Nick snorted. “He got that scarf all on his own. But yeah, Antoni is quite dreamy isn't he? I can't believe we're working together for this thing after I kept talking about how hot he is.”

  
  


“Sounds like you two have a lot in common.”

  
  


“Well yeah. We have the scarf, we're gay and we both appreciate an avocado.”

  
  


Harry turned his head sharply to look up at Nick from where he'd been staring at the TV screen. “You remember when you visited me in LA that time and tried to make me a roast dinner?”

  
  


Nick nodded slowly. Where was this coming from? “Yes. You didn't have any pans in and you invited us for breakfast the next day to make it up to us.”

  
  


Harry nodded. “I made you a green smoothie with avocado remember? For the LA feeling.”

  
  


Nick wrinkled his nose. “Ugh yeah. Almost as bad as a ginger shot, but I suppose it's all good for you. The whole LA granola quinoa smoothie thing.”

  
  


Harry pouted. Nick didn't know that he placed such value on his smoothie making skills. “Still, I have never had a green smoothie I truly enjoyed, so it wasn't your skills in the kitchen that put me off, Styles.”

  
  


Harry seemed slightly appeased. They went back to their documentary until the food arrived. Just as they dug into their curries, Harry asked: “So is Antoni a good cook then?”

  
  


Nick shrugged as he stuffed his mouth with food. God that tasted delicious, especially after having been hungry for hours and having to wait for Harry. He was never letting anyone talk him out of a good old-fashioned curry every again.

  
  


He finished chewing, swallowed and replied: “I should hope so. He is a chef and he is opening a restaurant in the US soon. Plus he has a cookbook deal. Maybe he'll give me a copy and I'll become a great chef.”

  
  


Harry smiled, but something was off. “You can put stuff on the grill.”

  
  


Nick nodded, pretending to think about it. “Quite good skill, that is. And in this heat, take-out and barbecuing are really the only options.”

  
  


Harry smiled and went back to eating. Nick couldn't resist adding: “Antoni has this great guacamole recipe with less fat but just as good as the original one.”

  
  


Harry looked up at him, chewing moodily. “Curry’s not good?” Nick asked. Harry swallowed and shook his head. “No, it's great.”

  
  


“Alright,” Nick answered and went back to watching the documentary. Those birds really went all out with their colourful feathers and their mating calls. Maybe Nick should dye his hair again. Or he could wait for Jonathan's advice. It probably was best to wait.

  
  


They ate and talked about the Styles family's love for Fab lollies and Gemma's career plans and Anne's cat. It was a quiet and domestic evening. Nick could feel himself relaxing finally, having been on his guard and aware of all the cameras and microphones tracking him all day.

  
  


Eventually it got to 10 pm and, although Nick didn’t have the radio on Fridays, he was set to film with Jonathan at 1pm the next day and wanted to look presentable. He didn’t have to kick Harry out or invent any excuses as of why they couldn’t share a bed because Harry left on his own. He took some leftover naan with him and promised to call soon. Apparently he was recording something and had an early studio time booked for the next day.

  
  


Nick went to sleep with Pig snoozing next to his bed and fell asleep almost immediately, exhausted.

The next day he went for a run with the dogs and Georgie, filming some killer Instagram content of his shoes. After that, he took a shower and was off to Bleach to meet Jonathan. Nick had talked it over with Lou and Sam and having the show film his 'transformation' there was good publicity, so they'd agreed. Nick never said no to helping out a friend and Bleach was his go to salon when he was not getting his hair coloured for the BBC by some intern.

  
  


Jonathan enthusiastically greeted Nick. The camera crew was already set up and filmed Jonathan complimenting Nick's biceps after having hugged him.

  
  


Nick laughed. “I'm sure you work out just as much. And I'm more of a runner than weight lifter.”

  
  


Jonathan smiled at him. His hair was in a bun today because he was working. “But we're both single and ready to mingle,” he exclaimed holding his arm up to pose.

  
  


Nick snorted. “Not with each other though. Kind of a cliché as the single guys.”

  
  


Jonathan waved him off. “Never darling. I know your type is more along the lines of gorgeous baby Antoni and we both have too many opinions.”

  
  


They entered the salon and were greeted by Lou. Nick introduced her for the camera. “This is my friend Lou. She does my hair when I want it to look good.”

  
  


Today Nick had just let his hair air-dry after his shower to give Jonathan and Lou something to work with. Jonathan made a big show of consulting with Lou for the cameras and they finally settled on giving Nick a trim and talking about sea salt spray.

  
  


Jonathan cut Nick's hair for the camera but it was barely anything different than what Lou usually did. The viewers didn't need to know that though, so they made a big show of it. Afterwards, they swung Nick's chair around so he and Jonathan could talk one on one.

  
  


“Okay so we have this gorgeous sea salt spray here and I want you to use her to give yourself kind of a tousled look.” Jonathan ran his hand through Nick's hair after spritzing it with the spray. Nick had to admit it looked good.

  
  


Jonathan put his chin in his hand as he admired his work. “Now I would stay away from completely slicked back unless you like, commit to it with a suit or something. You could make it work but I think for your casual style this is best, honey.”

  
  


Nick knew he was referring to his look at Big Weekend. It hadn't been his best one, but he had been committed to it and didn't want to admit that it wasn't quite what he had wanted. Besides he'd definitely looked worse on camera before.

  
  


“I'm ready to accept whatever advice you bestow upon me,” Nick said, grinning.

  
  


“That's why I love you honey.” Jonathan replied with a smile. Nick and everyone around in the salon playing customers to make it look authentic aw'd.

  
  


After being done with Jonathan, Nick was filming with Tan. He had a lunch break with the crew, and got to Gucci at 4pm.

  
  


Nick had several friends in close contact with Gucci and he couldn't resist getting a sponsored suit tailored for his party from them. He had also considered Hugo Boss or YSL but ultimately he knew Gucci would say yes and Tan had also approved.

  
  


Tan kissed Nick on the cheek in greeting and led Nick through the doors, as though Nick hadn't ever been here before.

  
  


“You already have more than enough clothing, so I think we should just be focusing on your party attire,” Tan proclaimed as the store assistants wheeled out a clothing rack with options for them. The crew filmed Nick and Tan and close ups of the selections.

  
  


“Yeah, so much clothing that the clothing rack inside of my wardrobe broke recently.”

  
  


“Maybe you should consider donating some pieces that don't bring you joy,” Tan said primly. Nick could tell he meant well, but he was really not good with the whole ‘Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up’ thing. He was not a minimalist and his space reflected it. He liked his house decorated and looking lived in, although not messy.

  
  


“Not my thing, mate. Only frivolity and excess for me,” Nick joked.

  
  


Tan smirked. “Well first lesson: your outfit shouldn't be a replacement for a good personality. Meaning it shouldn't scream so loudly that no one listens to a word you say.”

  
  


“Not a problem, dear,” Nick said. “It's not like I'm Rita Ora.” He knew Rita wouldn't mind the slightest. She knew what she was about. Tan snorted and caught himself in time before it became too undignified. For a fellow Northerner, he could be really posh.

  
  


They began looking through the options with Nick trying on several suit jackets and trousers, appearing in and out of the changing room again and again for the cameras. He felt like he was in Pretty Woman or some other make-over montage movie. Then, again, a make-over was the whole point.

  
  


They finally settled on a white suit with dark blue abstract geometric lines that Nick thought at first would make him look like a barber shop quartet. But after he tried it on, he had to admit Tan had nailed it. It looked interesting and fresh but it didn't overpower him.

  
  


“Now for the shirt we can go a bit wild as long as we keep white or blue in it.”

  
  


Nick nodded and they moved on to shirts. There weren't too many left that fit the suit and he finally settled for a white shirt with tiny red robins stitched all over it. Satisfied, they moved on to shoes and then advice on how many buttons unbuttoned were too many. Nick pretended to listen to Tan's advice very seriously but he knew once he got sloppy drunk it would be all rug out.

  
  


By the time they had all the clothing shots and Tan had offered Nick various ties before Nick decided to not wear one, it was getting dark. Nick said goodbye to everyone and thanked them, then got in a cab to his place.

  
  


He he ate some leftover curry outside while watching Stinky and Pig play in the garden and then went to bed. He was asleep in seconds.

  
  


Nick woke up late on Saturday. He had a break from filming so he texted a variety of people about brunch until Aimee agreed, saying that Ian was having a day out at the zoo with Sunday anyway and she had only planned on getting her nails done. Nick enthusiastically jumped on the mani-pedi train as he had been meaning to get that done before Thursday anyway.

  
  


They met up at a little cafe and Nick ordered a green smoothie with his coffee, fondly thinking about Harry's smoothie outrage the other day.

  
  


Aimee was having none of it and ordered a full English breakfast but Nick settled on an egg white omelette and toast as with a fruit salad. He wanted to fit in his brand new tailored Gucci suit and he wasn't seeing Georgie until then since he had figured the show, filming and running would be too much. He had promised her to go by himself on the weekend though. He immediately took a photo of his plate to send to Georgie to show her how healthy he was being.

  
  


Aimee looked on in amusement as Nick angled his phone and selected his emojis for Georgie. He settled on the flexing arm and content face, even though that wasn't exactly how he felt. Georgie didn’t need to know.

  
  


“Does she get paid to read your texts when she's off work?” Aimee asked as she spied Georgie's name on Nick's Whatsapp.

  
  


“Shut it. It's motivational innit. Knowing I'm continuing her good work and not ruining it with that platter you've ordered.”

  
  


“I happen to be married so all the effort I put in goes into my hair, face and nails,” Aimee said.

  
  


“Rub it in why don't you.” Nick muttered.

  
  


Aimee raised her eyebrows. “What's gotten into you, stroppy? I though the Fab Five were finding you a gorgeous husband or if they failed Antoni would break up with his boyfriend and marry you?”

  
  


Nick snorted. “I wish. But that's not really what they do. They can't work miracles in a week. This singledom of mine is my fault, really, with being difficult to please and having too many expectations.”

  
  


Aimee looked sympathetic. Nick hadn't meant to spill his guts quite that frankly but it was early and he had just woken up so it counted as an excuse.

  
  


“Don't settle, love,” she said, gripping his hand. Nick shook his head. He didn't think he would. He waved her off after shaking her hand.

  
  


“Don't listen to me. I'm surrounded by paired up, happy gay men and I find myself wishing for the same thing. It's totally normal. And Antoni is simply even more handsome in the flesh.”

  
  


“You've told me that many times. And you told Ian. And Annie at Big Weekend. After knowing him for a few hours.”

  
  


Nick slapped a hand on his heart. “It feels like longer. But seriously I'm not a homewrecker so I'll pine quietly and let him go.” He reached out his hand and faked a wistful expression like a girl waving soldiers off to war. Aimee laughed and they moved on.

  
  


Nick was slurping his smoothie while Aimee was looking for a picture of Sunday in her new wellies that she had been meaning to show Nick when he found himself reminiscing curry Thursday.

  
  


“Aims?” he called. “Harry was over the other day for a curry and he kept talking about that bloody awful smoothie he made when I visited him that one time, when he had no pans in.”

  
  


“Oh?” Aimee said absently, still scrolling through her phone. She was such a mom now. But Nick couldn't blame her. He probably had just as many photos of Sunday as she and Ian had. Plus photos of his dogs and godchildren.

  
  


“Yeah, he was in a weird mood. But he was recording the next day, so maybe he was just nervous. Dunno why. It's not like he ever has to work another day in his life, even if people hate it. Unlike little old me who has to actually financially support my designer spending habits.”

  
  


“What did you talk about then?” Aimee asked, completely ignoring Nick's whining since she probably knew acknowledging it would lead to a rant about Gucci loafers or something.

  
  


“Oh just me filming. Then he mentioned the smoothie because I was talking about avocados.”

  
  


Aimee snorted. “I can so imagine him telling a long winded smoothie story.”

  
  


Nick laughed at the thought of Harry telling such a story and replied: “No, he was more fishing for compliments about his smoothies or summat. I don't really know. Like I said, he was acting pretty weird.”

  
  


“Well I bet you compliment all the pretty boys on their smoothie skills,” Aimee said and winked at him.

  
  


“Only if the smoothies are exceptionally good. Or if the boys are exceptionally good.”

  
  


Aimee laughed and the conversation about the smoothies was done. After their meal they went for their mani-pedi and gossiped about their friends. Aimee asked about Nick's plans for the last show but Nick didn't want to give too much away so he just dropped vague teases about getting Ian into a Polly Pocket costume and performing the song on karaoke. He had no such plans but Aimee didn't need to know.

  
  


They parted ways afterwards and Nick spent a quiet evening in with Pig and Stinky cuddled up next to him on the sofa.

  
  


Nick decided to start his Sunday off with the run he owed Georgie before he sat down to answer some emails. Once done he settled in to watch Bridesmaids. He needed a bit of a constant with all the stress going on around him. It quickly switched into watching old Friends episodes and texting Harry about them. He always appreciated a good Friends reference (he seemed to have seen no other TV shows).

  
  


Nick was just laughing at a reference Harry had made when he got a call from the producer of Queer Eye. He told him that he'd be picked up after the show at the BBC tomorrow and then whisked away to a secret location to meet Karamo.

  
  


Nick hung up and immediately began worrying about what they would be doing. Probably some sort of sport to boost his confidence since he didn't think Karamo would take him to a gay bar at noon to teach him pick up lines.

  
  


He tried to focus back on his TV but ultimately ended up texting goodnight to Harry and going to bed early after letting the dogs out. No sense in staying up and worrying when he had the radio and filming the next day.

  
  


Nick got up as usual on Monday. The show was mostly uneventful apart from hyping up his last show. There were some segments dedicated to his past years on the show but they were mostly saving the best for Thursday.

  
  


He had a quick chat with Tina about outfits for the party and teased her about wearing Crocs to the club. He got out of the studio afterwards to find two cars waiting for him as promised. A part of the crew was standing outside, filming him getting in, while the rest of them would film Karamo and him on the way to the location.

  
  


Karamo greeted him with a half-handshake half-hug as he climbed into the massive car.

  
  


“How are you doing man? Great to see you,” he said, smiling with his perfectly blinding teeth.

  
  


Nick had never been more aware of his own teeth. He answered: “Yeah good, good. Bit nervous but good in general.”

  
  


Karamo nodded. “Listen, I want to focus on you today. Not on relationships or any of that stuff. I firmly believe that you should be okay with yourself before you are ready to put yourself out there. So we're going to try to build confidence today, and for that we picked up a special place where you can learn just that.”

  
  


Nick was racking his brain where such a place could be in London. Maybe they were going to see some sort of magician who would transform him.

  
  


He tried to school his features into a neutral expression that hopefully conveyed mild excitement.

  
  


“So we have half an hour before we get there. Why don't you tell me a bit about yourself?”

  
  


“Well ... I grew up North. My parents were accepting of my sexuality, but they didn't really like my ambition for show business, as they'd put it. My sister was the supportive one. They were pretty disappointed when I dropped out of uni. My dad never understood my creative side. But I feel like, before he passed away, we had come to a sort of understanding.”

  
  


It was a lot to say out loud in front of the cameras but Nick hadn't wanted to hold back so he didn't. He wanted to people to get to know him as more than just ‘that annoying gay guy they're finally getting rid of for the mornings’. He should really stop reading his Twitter replies.

  
  


Karamo nodded and placed a comforting hand on Nick's knee.

  
  


“I get that man. I was on TV at a very young age and my father didn't like it either. But I grew up pretty quickly when I met my son and his brother, and I can't imagine my life without my partner now. I totally get being in a stifling environment that won't let you really be yourself because there's this image of how gay men act and how straight men act and you're somewhere in between.”

  
  


Nick looked down at his hands. This was harder than he thought it would be but he wanted to get it out there.

  
  


“I've always gotten homophobic comments online and I think, even if it was just subconsciously, I was holding back sometimes on the radio. Like, sure, I'd talk about my crushes on straight celebrities, but I wasn't really as open as I could have been. My boss was always fine with it but I was scared of losing more listeners. And there was the comments from people on social media to get that gay guy off the show because it was ruining their breakfast.”

  
  


Karamo looked at him compassionately and encouraged Nick to go on with a gesture.

  
  


“Ever since it was decided that I'd switch places with Greg and that I wouldn't do the show on Fridays anymore, I have decided to make the best out of it and I'm trying to be more open and to support more charities for the community. I really liked working with Adidas and showing myself as a proud gay man. And I've really also received a lot of support. It’s just that sometimes the negative voices drown that out.”

  
  


Karamo clapped him on the shoulder. “I'm proud of you for opening up, man. It can't have been easy growing up. I know it wasn't for me. When you see no one like yourself out there on TV or anywhere and yet you can't help these feelings. I feel like I’m doing something for the community by being on tv. You're doing the same by being open and living your dreams and supporting these charities.”

  
  


Nick smiled and felt a bit like crying. Karamo was being so nice to him. “Thank you for saying that.”

  
  


They talked a bit more about the course Nick would be taking and the charities he planned to support now that he had an extra day and more time in the evenings with a less strict bedtime.

  
  


They finally arrived at the location. Nick was surprised to see that they were at Battersea Park.

  
  


“Okay wow,” he said, looking out the window.

  
  


Karamo touched his shoulder and they got out of the car. The camera crew that had followed in the second car was filming when they walked up to the sign where Nick read that it was a treetop climbing park.

  
  


“Not what I expected,” he said.

  
  


Karamo grinned. He looked stunning in the daylight, wearing his typical bomber jacket in navy colours and cool sneakers. Nick felt slightly underdressed, having just come straight from work.

  
  


“Well, if you want to climb up high you gotta climb up high. Plus learning to trust other people and feeling the safety net. I think it's perfect.”

  
  


“If you say so,” Nick replied, feeling slightly nervous.

  
  


“I do. Now come on, they're waiting for us.” Karamo led him to the entrance of the park where the staff was already waiting for them.

  
  


They were fitted into their climbing gear and strapped into their harnesses, but not without a few bondage jokes from both of them. Nick was beginning to relax in Karamo's easy presence.

  
  


At first Nick was very careful but Karamo and the staff encouraged him and he found himself actually having fun. He enthusiastically crossed a rope bridge and greeted Karamo with a hug and a back slap like they'd just climbed Mount Everest.

  
  


Karamo's good mood was infectious and they talked about Nick's career in between platforms. The camera crew was filming from the ground with one of them following them behind Karamo and occasionally having them stop at platforms to film more.

  
  


Finally they got to a zip line and Karamo encouraged Nick to go first. Nick gulped and slowly let himself be led and strapped in.

  
  


When he took the plunge it felt freeing to have the wind whip his hair and he arrived at the other side feeling completely happy.

  
  


Once they were done they filmed a little wrap up segment on a park bench with some joggers throwing curious glances their way. After that they hugged for a long while and Karamo whispered in Nick's ear that he was proud of him. Nick felt unbeatable.

  
  


“Your methods really work, you know,” he told Karamo.

  
  


“Told you,” Karamo said with a wink. “It's not all motivational posters and quotes.”

  
  


Nick held up his hands in surrender. “I believe you now. This really gave me a boost for the show on Thursday.”

  
  


Karamo smiled and shook Nick's hand. “I'm glad man. See you tomorrow.”

  
  


Tomorrow Nick would 'learn to cook' with Antoni and then all five of the guys would see him off.

  
  


Nick got a cab to his place and was surprised to find that Pig and Stinky weren’t coming to greet him. He found out the reason why when he got to his lounge to find Harry petting his dogs with both hands.

  
  


“Breaking and entering, Styles?” Nick asked teasingly, half hugging Harry the best he could with him standing and Harry sitting down on the sofa. “Have you finally won over Stinky’s affection then?”

  
  


“Getting there,” Harry mumbled. He was wearing his rainbow tour t-shirt, of all things, and a pair of shorts.

  
  


“What brings you here then? Apart from being an uninvited dog-sitter?” Nick asked, falling down beside Harry and taking Stinky from him to pet him.

  
  


“Just felt like seeing you. We were texting and I was thinking we could have had that conversation in person. I also wanted to know how filming was going.”

  
  


“Oh yeah,” Nick said. “Today was great. No pesky popstar upstaging me in treetop climbing like he does with axe throwing.”

  
  


Harry smiled and placed a hand on Nick's shoulder while turning towards him. He looked serious for a moment but then couldn't help a grin breaking out as he said: “You're never getting over that, are you?”

  
  


Nick threw his hands in the air in mock annoyance. “Well why are you good at everything you do? And good looking and rich to boot? It's not fair to us mortals.”

  
  


Harry shrugged. “'m not good at everything.”

  
  


Nick rolled his eyes. “And humble too of course.”

  
  


“Niiick,” Harry whined. “I came to hang out with you and hear about your day, not to listen to you putting yourself down.”

  
  


Nick waved him off. “You're right, you're right. What would Karamo say. That was who I was filming with today. He was building up my confidence to get me ready to be single and mingle. Snag a husband.”

  
  


“Was Antoni there?” Harry asked.

  
  


Nick shook his head. “No, but I'm seeing him tomorrow and he's teaching me how to make mini filo feta spinach pies. It's gonna be great.”

  
  


Harry frowned. “Like the one you made for me?”

  
  


Nick thought Harry was right to worry since they didn't have time to film for hours and hours while the pie cooked. “Yeah but Antoni is a professional and they'll be small so they're gonna be easier to cook.”

  
  


“So that's a thing? You and Antoni?” Harry asked, worrying his lip between his teeth.

  
  


“What are you so interested in my love life for, Harold?” Nick asked. “Do you moonlight as a gossip writer for The Sun now?”

  
  


Harry snorted. “Yeah I write blind articles about myself. Which London-based popstar tried breaking and entering with a key he was given to steal the affection of the dogs that lived in the house. Easy money.”

  
  


Nick laughed. Sometimes he forgot how easy hanging out and joking around with Harry was.

  
  


“Anyway. I don't stand a chance with Antoni. I'm sure he's used to much better.”

  
  


'Like his boyfriend', Nick thought only slightly bitter.

  
  


Harry smiled briefly. “You pulled all those models somehow. I'm sure you could get him too, if he's what you want.”

  
  


“Rich, on TV, with great cooking skills, similar fashion taste I can steal and gorgeous? Who wouldn't want that.”

  
  


“Right,” Harry said. “Hey, you want me to cook today? I figured take-out was getting old. Also I have some free time and you're stressed. So I bought some groceries to make stuffed sweet potatoes if you want.”

  
  


“I'll never turn down a free dinner I don't have to cook” Nick said.

  
  


“Well, maybe you can still chop some garlic and spring onions. Wash kale.”

  
  


“Kale? Are you serious? Is this a green smoothie redemption, vegan, loaded jacket potato? Do I have to crack open avocados?”

  
  


Harry shrugged and smiled. “Pretty much? But I promise you'll love it. Clare gave me this recipe and she says she made it for Mitch, Sarah, Adam and Adam's family when they visited her and they loved it.”

  
  


“That because you surround yourself with a bunch of hippies who love healthy food.”

  
  


Harry sniggered. “You do realise you do too, right? Partly at least.”

  
  


Nick knew when to admit defeat. “Alright, as long as it's not another potato pancake moment or whatever.”

  
  


Harry nodded enthusiastically. “Put some music on please?”

  
  


“What are you in the mood for?” Nick asked. Harry told him that whatever he wanted was fine so Nick began streaming his chill-out playlist from his phone to his speakers. It was a lot of Frank Ocean.

  
  


Harry swayed a bit to the beat while he got the things out of the bag he had brought with him. He set Nick up with spring onions to chop and kale to wash and then began mixing spices and slicing the potatoes to get them into the oven.

  
  


They worked side by side until Harry came over to survey Nick's work. “Not bad,” he said, getting behind Nick and grabbing his hand holding the knife. “But you can cut them a bit more evenly and you’ll have a better grip if you hold it like this.” He demonstrated by turning Nick's hand around the knife’s handle and chopping a piece. Nick could feel Harry's breath in his ear and he felt himself flushing despite the cool evening air coming from the open window. The feeling of Harry's strong arms around him had him drifting into a domestic fantasy where they were wrapped around him for very different reasons.

  
  


But Nick had a knife in his hand so he shook the feeling off and tried to concentrate on Harry's instructions. After a moment, Harry kissed his cheek and declared his cutting technique 'perfect'. He had done that before when they were drunk or as a joke in greeting, but Nick still felt his cheeks heat up. He had the sudden urge to press his hand where Harry had kissed him like he was in a movie. He really needed to get a grip, but Harry wasn't making it easy.

  
  


Finally the potatoes were in the oven and, although Harry had promised a much shorter baking time than the infamous filo pie, they had some time left before they would be cooked. Nick found himself humming along to the Frank Ocean song currently playing. He leaned against the kitchen island when suddenly Harry was in front of him, taking his hands.

  
  


“What's this then?” Nick asked.

  
  


“Let's dance,” Harry said with a grin. The song was way too slow for the enthusiastic waving and bobbing Harry usually did on stage but Nick let himself be pulled in reluctantly. Before he knew it, he was swaying to the beat with Harry in his kitchen. It was like a scene out of a romantic comedy.

  
  


Nick found himself speechless. Harry's hand on his back felt warmer than normal. When the song ended, Harry stepped back and looked at Nick. Nick suddenly felt like they were about to kiss. But just then Harry's phone timer went off and he had to take the kale he'd been cooking off the stove to turn it off.

  
  


Nick decided not to say anything as Harry busied himself with a colander at the sink.

  
  


They watched some more Friends episodes and eventually had dinner, but something was off. When Harry said goodbye, he hugged Nick for a moment too long and his hand lingered on Nick's neck. He left without mentioning the earlier incident.

  
  


Nick had trouble sleeping. He kept picturing Harry's green eyes staring into his as they pulled apart after their dance. He wondered if Harry had really been about to kiss him. But if that was something Harry wanted, surely he would have noticed Nick's feelings for him by now and would have done it ages ago.

  
  


Maybe he was just being weird after his recent break-up. Nick hadn't asked to much after the reasons why it had happened because he knew Harry didn't really like talking about it. And Nick didn't either. He felt better knowing as little as possible about it when he was teased during the Entertainment News on the radio about already knowing all the details. He wouldn't discuss Harry's private life in detail on the radio, of course, but this way he didn't even have to lie. (Or pretend to not be horrible single and begrudge Harry a one year relationship with a model.)

  
  


His models dating days were pretty much over but, if he wanted a long-term partnership, that was maybe for the best since they all tended to be too young to want to settle down. A retired model who still looked hot would be ideal.

  
  


He finally settled into an uneasy sleep and had a dream that the dance with Harry had been a prank for the radio. He knew Harry wouldn't be that cruel but, apparently, his subconscious didn't.

  
  


Nick woke up and went to work, where he tried to hype up the last show the best he could, but his heart wasn't fully into it. Tina noticed and was shooting him concerned glances. She tried to talk to him about it during breaks but he kindly brushed her off. Lucky, engaged Tina couldn't understand the pain of being friends with a fit rockstar who gave you mixed signals. He needed to focus on filming. Today was his last day with the Fab 5 Afterwards, there would be only the party sequences left to film for the crew.

  
  


He took a cab back to his place. He had his cleaner sort everything while he was in the studio since they would be filming in his kitchen. The crew would bring all the ingredients and any utensils Nick might not already have. It was likely that he had zero of the utensils needed.

  
  


He greeted the crew already waiting at his house and let them in to unload. Nick talked to some of them for a bit. Most of the technicians had been hired in the UK for the occasion and some of them used to listen to the Breakfast Show and congratulated Nick on his time spent on it. Nick felt very flattered and a bit of his zip-lining confidence returned just in time for Antoni to show up.

  
  


“Hey what's up,” Antoni greeted him as he came in and pulled him into a hug. He really smelled good and looked well rested while Nick had had the makeup artist from the show quickly do something about the dark circles under his eyes.

  
  


“Yeah, all good,” Nick said. He led Antoni to the kitchen. One camera followed them and another was already set up to film.

  
  


“Shall we get started?” Antoni asked.

  
  


Antoni's approach to cooking was a bit like Harry's in that he mostly let Nick chop and pour things. Nick couldn't believe he was doing so much cooking in the span of two days. He really was becoming a regular house-husband. Surely millions of men would watch this and fall in love with him.

  
  


Finally they had the finished mini pies in the tiny round baking pans Antoni had brought with him. They put them in the oven and started the timer. In order to save time, they filmed Nick doing the same thing for one pie on his own which would later be cut in to make it look like he did them all by himself on the day of the party. They wouldn't go bad over two days in the fridge.

  
  


“That was some good work,” Antoni said as they pulled the pies out of the oven for the camera to film. They each took a bite and Nick had to say they tasted as good as the pie he had made years before, which he still counted that as one of his biggest accomplishments.

  
  


“Went faster than I thought,” Nick told Antoni. “Well, it doesn't always have to take hours to prepare something easy,” Antoni smirked. Nick playfully hit him on the arm.

  
  


“Shall we take a selfie then? I know my followers eagerly await to bestow likes on your handsome face,” Nick joked.

  
  


Antoni was game and they ended up taking about a million selfies while the crew packed their equipment. They would drive to the club to look at Bobby's handiwork and then Nick would have to say goodbye to all of them. While Nick had lots of gay friends, he was really going to miss having the Fab Five around to boost his ego and help him out.

  
  


Nick ended up posting the picture they chose on the drive over to the venue. He tagged Antoni, captioned it 'Last day filming with his handsome guy' and added a few crying emojis.

  
  


A second later he got a notification that Harry, of all people, had liked it. Harry almost never liked anything people didn't make him aware of. Nick would often sit next to him and basically command him to like his post about his concert or something else. Like he told Harry, otherwise the fans would think that they had a falling out and the comments would get worse.

  
  


Maybe Harry was growing more bored during his supposed break than Nick had first thought. Visiting Nick and cooking for and liking posts on his Instagram. It was almost normal behaviour for someone Harry's age.

  
  


They finally pulled up at the club where everyone was already waiting for them. Nick hugged them all in turn and let himself be led inside by Bobby. The crew was already inside the venue to film his reaction right as he walked through the door.

  
  


Nick hadn't really had a concrete vision but he was gobsmacked by what Bobby had done with the place. The photo wall was a beautiful golden coloured wall. Fancy frames hung on it, encasing pictures of Nick with all his friends. They couldn't use a hammer on the actual walls of the venue so the idea of the added wall that could be removed was genius.

  
  


“I love it!” Nick exclaimed and gave Bobby another hug. Bobby then showed him the guestbook they had set out for Nick's guests to write their fondest Breakfast Show memories into and the table where the food would be served, which was decorated with purple candles in golden holders.

  
  


“This is simply amazing. With the white table clothes, you would never be able to tell that these are folding tables,” Nick commented ,running a hand over the fabric.

  
  


“Expensive folding tables,” Bobby corrected.

  
  


“Of course, of course,” Nick replied. “Nothing but the best for me. I can't wait to see the photobooth.”

  
  


The photobooth was a gift from his BBC bosses and was already set up. All that had been missing were the props.

  
  


Bobby had arranged two weaved basket with props next to it. One held glasses and wigs and hats and the other was filled with little paper handheld things relating to Nick or the show. There was one for 'Team Grimmy', a paper quiff and even hairstyles from each of the Fab Five.

  
  


“I had to get us in there too,” Bobby said and winked at Nick.

  
  


“Of course. I always wanted Tan's hair. Or Jonathan's!” Nick said as he threw his arms around them two, drawing them to his sides.

  
  


“Don't mind us then,” Antoni said with a laugh. Karamo first faked being offended but burst out laughing as well.

  
  


“Oh, your looks are all about being ridiculously good looking. Nothing to do with hair,” Nick assured him.

  
  


“Aw thanks, boo,” Kamaro said. He kissed Nick's cheek and came in to hug Jonathan.

  
  


“No problem. I'm sure you hear it all the time,” Nick said with a smile. He couldn’t resist drawing Antoni into another hug.

  
  


“Thank you for teaching me how to make fast-cooking mini pies What a life hack,” Nick said to him. Antoni stepped back and clapped Nick on the back.

  
  


“No problem. They'll be a hit at the party.”

  
  


There was a flurry of hugs and promises to stay in touch and coming on the new show during press tours. Nick thanked the whole crew and bought them all drinks from the bar. He had to leave around nine, but not before getting Insta stories with all of the Fab Five and a few of the crew members, including a Boomerang of the bartender doing a nice cocktail shaker flip. Hopefully it would get people hyped for the episode, which would be released as a special two weeks after Nick's last Breakfast show.

  
  


When he got home he checked his phone and realized Harry had texted him. It just said: _Are we good?_

  
  


Was Harry thinking Nick had hoped they would hook-up and wanted to let Nick down gently? Okay, maybe Nick had thought about it once or twice. Maybe even in the shower. But Harry couldn't read his thoughts.

  
  


_Everything is good. Why wouldn't we be?_ Nick sent, but he didn't get an answer immediately so he went to bed. He was too tired to deal with the situation.

  
  


Wednesday was hectic. Nick did the show, talked about his second to last day and tried to guess what Crocs Tina would be wearing for the big event of the next day. Tina was acting unamused but she kept smiling at Nick and he knew she got that he wanted to direct the attention away from the sad stuff.

  
  


Once the show was finished, he called a few people who had not known if they could make it to the party so far and got in touch with his DJ friends about the playlists. The caterer also had some important questions that Nick needed to answer. The day finished quickly. He just ate a sandwich and went to bed hoping the rest would all sort itself out. Harry still hadn't texted him back.

  
  


At last the day of Nick's last Breakfast show arrived. He felt oddly serene about it. A few of his friends joined him in the studio and the place got really cramped. Harry wasn’t there to avoid him getting mobbed at the entrance of the building. Nick had also joked about Harry overshadowing him on his big day but he suspected that Harry might have taken it too seriously. Harry was always very conscious of not getting anyone too involved in his crazy life if they didn't want to. Nick had never minded as much, but perhaps he shouldn't have joked about it if he had wanted Harry to come to the studio.

  
  


They all had a great time. Nick forgot to think about Harry at all while they did karaoke, played clips and embarrassed him on air one last time. A lot of his celebrity friends had left voicemails that his producers played as a surprise for him.

  
  


Nick was startled when they played Harry's one. They had already had Niall and Liam but those had just been short and to the point.

  
  


“Hello Nicholas Grimshaw,” Harry's voice resonated in the studio. A few of his friends had to be shushed as they began making noises when they heard who was speaking.

  
  


“I just wanted to congratulate you on doing a fantastic job on The Breakfast Show. I'm looking forward to premiering all future songs on your afternoon show.”

  
  


Noises broke out around the studio, a few people laughing and other frowning as if Harry had some kind of grudge against Greg. Nick waved at producer Liam to pause the recording and said into his microphone. “Before The Sun picks this up, that was nothing against Greg, it's just a tradition with Harry. Or maybe he was just joking. We don't need more feuds between radio DJs and One Direction members.”

  
  


Everyone chuckled awkwardly and Nick winced. Maybe he shouldn't have mentioned that. But it was his last day, he should be able to do whatever he wanted. He motioned over to Liam to continue playing the message.

  
  


“Anyway, I just wanted to say you're one of my best friends and you're gonna smash this afternoon show. I'd like to request Wild Thoughts by Rihanna for your last show because I know you never did get her on.”

  
  


“Wow rub it in, Styles,” Nick commented as he put the song on. Harry couldn't have known that it made Nick think about Mallorca and dancing with Harry until the sun came up. Swaying drunk and almost being able to see a future for the two of them.

  
  


“Do you think he asked for Wild Thoughts by Rihanna so we wouldn't accidentally play his Live Lounge version and make him look like a narcissist?” Nick asked the room jokingly. He got a few laughs from the people that weren’t talking among themselves.

  
  


Nick frowned but let the music wash over him. The rest of the show went without a hitch apart from Nick having to bury his face in his hands whenever a clip was played in which he was less than sober, mostly from the Brits or Ibiza. He'd miss the straight-through Brits crew but maybe they could be the 'got a bit of sleep' crew next time.

  
  


The end of the show came and Nick did his last link. He ushered everyone out and they headed straight to the pub. Nick had reserved a table for them and bought everyone drinks. Soon people were laughing and animatedly talking.

  
  


They stayed for hours and shared platters of chips among all of them while telling stories about Nick and his time on the radio. Nick loved it, but he was missing Harry. He had invited him to the pub at the last minute so Harry hadn’t been able to make it, only coming to the club later on.

  
  


Two hours before his party, Nick left with some of his friends to get ready with them, but not before making everyone at the pub promise they'd be on time.

  
  


He got changed into his brand new Gucci suit that had just been delivered. It fit perfectly. Lou had come over to do his hair and he was really feeling himself in the outfit. Alexa, Pixie, Gillian and Aimee all told him how good he looked and he preened under their gazes.

  
  


Finally they all piled into a cab and headed to the location. The driver looked annoyed since everyone had already had one too many drinks and Nick was stupidly holding a tray with the mini pies, trying to not let it get smushed with everyone hugging and kissing him and crying on him. Nick tipped him generously to make up for it.

  
  


When they got out of the car the camera crew was already there. They got a few soundbites from Nick about the occasion and how happy he was with Bobby's work and Tan's suit before they headed inside. There was already music playing and the food had been set up. Nick put down his tray of pies, which Aimee had been holding for him while he was interviewed, and removed the foil. It didn't really fit in with the otherwise rather fancy finger foods, but who really cared.

  
  


The crew filmed all the guests arriving and helping themselves to the hors d'oeuvres, even getting some close-ups of people trying the mini pies while Nick looked on proudly. Finally, they filmed some dancing sequences and told Nick they had all they needed. Only half of the guests had arrived but it would be cut to look like a full house. Nick had told all his more famous friends to arrive later if they didn't want to be caught on camera.

  
  


Nick spotted Harry the moment he arrived, but Harry seemed to be avoiding him, greeting everyone he knew without looking in direction of the bar where Nick was holding court and ordering ridiculous drinks. He had just taken a sip of a worryingly neon concoction when Harry finally came over to smile sheepishly at him.

  
  


Nick wrapped Harry in a big hug before he could say anything and they stood intertwined for a moment before Nick let go of him. Harry looked good in his simple black suit with his hair swept away from his face and tucked behind his ears. He was wearing a white shirt, his cross necklace nestled between the two sparrow tattoos peeking from under the fabric.

  
  


“Hey, sorry I'm so late. I didn't want to make it a big deal.”

  
  


Nick waved him off. “You're here now. That's all that matters. From beginning to end. And I see you went with the classic black instead of your usual golden Gucci christening suit.”

  
  


Harry smiled. “Yeah, I didn't want to upstage you or anything. But yes, from the start to the end, that's us.” He sounded oddly sad and Nick nudged his shoulder.

  
  


“Why the long face? You're not changing jobs as well right? Becoming a wedding singer?”

  
  


Harry shook his head. “There's just been a lot on my mind. I was wondering ... do you want to talk somewhere? In private?”

  
  


Oh Jesus, here came the big rejection. Nick had best get over with it so he could get more horribly drunk. The food table was just getting cleared away and people were making good use of the photobooth and starting to congregate on the dance floor. The playlist was really good. Nick had spent months working on it after all.

  
  


“Sure,” Nick said and led Harry to the private room they'd done the friends' interviews in for Queer Eye. Only he and the venue manager had the keys (Nick hadn't wanted to pay for cleaning if some celebrities found themselves dry humping in there).

  
  


They walked up to the room Nick closing the door behind them and locking it just in case. He felt a bit like he was a serial murderer locking Harry in, but he didn't want anyone barging in if he was about to cry his eyes out or something.

  
  


“So,” Nick said casually, putting his hands in his pockets. Then he realized the trousers were a bit too tailored for that and crossed his arms in front of him. He probably looked too defensive now.

  
  


“So,” Harry echoed. He sat down on the love seat provided. It was pretty big even if a bit too close for comfort, but Nick felt awkward hovering over Harry so he sat down next to him.

  
  


“I've got some things to say. Things I should have said earlier this week,” Harry continued, wringing his hands.

  
  


“Oh?” Nick said, not really knowing what to expect.

  
  


“Yeah. You were always talking about that guy and it made me realise that secretly I've been meaning to tell you something, but I always thought it wouldn't be the right time.”

  
  


Nick raised his eyebrows. “That guy? You mean Antoni?”

  
  


Harry smiled bitterly. “Right. Antoni. Are you going to go for that?”

  
  


Nick looked confused. “Go for what? It was just a silly crush and he's had a boyfriend for years. It was just a joke. And you could have googled that?”

  
  


Harry looked shocked. “He's taken? You're not going to date him?”

  
  


Nick laughed incredulously. “What makes you think a guy like that would ever date me? It was like the James Franco or Jake Gyllenhaal things. I was half joking and I’m pretty sure I'd find a reason why it would never work. It was just more of a … thing because Antoni is interested in men.”

  
  


“You said he was a member of the gay scarf club,” Harry muttered, clenching one hand on his thigh and bunching up the fabric of his suit.

  
  


Nick peeled his hand away. “Don't wrinkle that. It's probably Gucci.” He smiled at Harry but didn’t let go of his hand.

  
  


Harry finally properly looked at Nick and smiled. “It is yeah. Good eye. We match.”

  
  


“That we do,” Nick replied quietly.

  
  


Harry took Nick's hand in both of his and said: “Well, that makes things easier. I thought I would have to fight this guy in an avocado cook-off or something, and I'm really more of a baker. When I was over last week and on Monday, you kept talking about this perfect guy who could cook and had the same interests as you and liked your sense of style. All I could think was how that should have been me. I like cooking for you, I like talking about fashion and I share your interests. I only realised it when I thought you were getting serious about someone. I realised that I wanted to be that person, the one you gush about to others.”

  
  


Nick blinked at Harry in shock. “What are you saying?” he asked.

  
  


“I'm saying that I always imagined we would get together, somewhere down the line, but I took you for granted. I thought I'd just wait it out and we'd get together when I was ready. That was selfish of me. And what I'm doing now is also selfish. It's you day and your party and I'm making it all about me again.”

  
  


Harry looked down and Nick tried to process what Harry had just said. Surely he couldn't mean what Nick thought he was saying.

  
  


Harry took a deep breath and continued. For someone who usually choose his words so carefully, they now seemed to spill out of him like he couldn't keep them in any longer.

  
  


“I want to be with you Nick. I know we never really talked about it in clear terms, but when I picture the future you're one of the few constant things I always see there, apart from my family. And I realise now that I've been building up to asking you out. When I first sang Medicine live I was so scared but now, with all the support I've received, I want to truly make a go for it. Is this completely out of the question or did I assume correctly on Monday that you were interested?”

  
  


Harry bit his lip and looked Nick straight in the eye. Nick gulped. It felt like a dream.

  
  


“What about the public?” Nick asked. “Your fans?”

  
  


“I know being with me isn't easy and I want to protect you, but I thought maybe you'd get it. I know it's a lot to ask. And we wouldn't be, like, out and about today or tomorrow or the next week. I don't want you thrown to the sharks right away. I want some time just for us. So what do you think? Is this completely bloody crazy?”

  
  


In a way it was crazy, but it was also everything Nick had ever wanted. He couldn't leave Harry hanging any longer so he cupped the back of Harry's neck and drew him in. They kissed slowly, Harry wrapping his arms around Nick and smiling against his lips.

  
  


“Is that a yes?” Harry asked.

  
  


Nick took a breath, feeling winded. That had been a chaste kiss, but it still left him shaken.

  
  


“I say yes, Harry Styles. If only for the free Gucci.” He took Harry's hand to show him he was joking. “I can't believe Queer Eye worked!”

  
  


“What's that?” Harry asked absently, smiling and kissing Nick's hand like a dork.

  
  


“The show I was filming. It was about finding myself so I could get serious about someone.”

  
  


Harry pointed at Nick. “Well I'm dead serious about this.”

  
  


Nick smiled and pecked him on the lips again. He felt like he was floating. What had been a day of goodbyes and the end of an era had turned into the best new start he'd ever had. He couldn't believe it.

  
  


“I still can't believe it,” He said out loud. “What about you? You're not out.”

  
  


“I've been thinking about that. Most fans already guessed it after I said I didn’t like to define my sexuality. I don't want to make it a big thing, but the rumours will never stop if I don't say anything. Like I said, I want some time just for us. But I was also thinking: how do you feel about a Radio One afternoon exclusive coming out interview?”

  
  


Nick beamed. “I'd love nothing more.”

  
  


They decided to separate and let Nick enjoy his party but they never lost track of each other and, as the evening drew to a close and Nick had danced the night away with all the people he knew and loved, they went back to Nick's together.

  
  


Half a year later Harry gave Nick the promised interview and hinted at being in a relationship with Nick. They had been spotted by the paparazzi a few times, but nothing incriminating had been captured. They would confirm Harry wasn’t straight and leave the rest open to interpretations.

  
  


When Nick posted his usual Instagram picture with Harry to promote the interview, they were sitting closer than necessary and Harry had his arm around Nick.

  
  


Shortly after he posted it, Nick noticed Tan had left a comment on it.

  
  


_I told you a friend was the way to go._

   


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm at [dead-nice](https://dead-nice.tumblr.com/) on tumblr which is my sideblog that I never use. Otherwise I just like sending anonymous prompts for fanfics to Gryles blogs to gauge audience reaction and liking things but never reblogging. So come on over and ask me things and be my friend. I also have another AO3 account but I didn't want RPF on that but I didn't want to lock the story because there's already so little for this pairing that I don't want to keep people from it. But if you want to read my other stuff in completely different fandoms I'll definitely send you a link if you ask. 
> 
> Also I only got into Gryles last year when I became a fan of Harry's through his album. I tried to get lots of more current references in this fic because the old ones are so well worn (except the pie - always the pie) and I really want to see some modern Gryles. Although I love the old stuff as well, everyone is so talented. So most of my knowledge stems from tumblr and fanfiction since I wasn't experiencing it live. 
> 
> I'd love to see your comments and kudos if you liked the story. :)


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